When I don’t desire God

If you’re returning, which I doubt anyone is… I found that part of my dry season is due to the lack of my writing.  My writing held me accountable to my reading.  And this entire blog came off of the first page, one paragraph.  Going forward, I’m treating this as more of a journal than an actual blog.  If your reading and enjoying, great… otherwise, it’s a great tool to pull out what’s in my head and communicate with my husband.  I communicate much better though my fingertips and most of the time when you ask me how I feel about something, I won’t be able to tell you, but if I sit down and start writing, it seems as though my feelings seem to pour.  So… on with my thoughts…

It’s been a VERY dry season for me.  I struggle with sustaining in most things.  Ie. Diets, blogging, creating worship videos, making memory albums.  I’m great out of the gate but lose the fire somewhere along the way.  I really kept feeling this happen in my walk with Christ in the last 6 months.  Although I still talked to Him, still worshiped Him, still felt His presence I felt the fire fading and I didn’t fan it.  I take complete responsibility.  And I know He wants me.  I know he hasn’t forgotten about me or left my side… in my minds eye, He’s just standing there waiting for me to ask.  Ask to know Him better.  So I opened our closet door yesterday and this book screamed at me.  When I Don’t Desire GOD How to Fight for Joy. Yeah, I grabbed it immediately.  I’ve had a hunger lately but I didn’t know how to feed it, until now.   

Here’s a true statement that hit me in the Foreword and prayer… “To be satisfied by the beauty of God does not come naturally to sinful people.  By nature we get more pleasure from God’s gifts than from himself.”  Sit in that for a minute.  I read that to say… to be fulfilled by the beauty of God does not come naturally to me… because by definition, we’re all sinful people.  It’s more natural for me to be happy from what he’s given me that just to be happy to know Him.  My One Prayer is to know Him better.

As my husband and I were riding his motorcycle down the long country road staring at the beautiful moonlit trees and night sky… I just started thanking God for the simple things I take for granted… the cottonwood trees, the smell of the night air, the stars, the long never-ending fields…and then it took my A.D.D. mind to what the world looked like before we poured these asphalt roads and strung these electric cables across His land.  I was sitting behind the love of my life taking the biggest deepest breaths I could to take in all that God-made air that was fresher than anything they can put in a fabreeze or tide bottle.  I’d give my amazing partner a squeeze when I got overwhelmed with emotion in thinking about how sweet God was to give him to me.  And I just started imagining with my eyes wide open that we were riding through these moonlit fields in the days of Christ.  Stop and think about that feeling.  It feels like my heart doubles in size when I do.  Like it’s going to pop out of my chest.   No alarm clock to wake up to. No bumper to bumper traffic to sit in.  No cubicle to drag into.  In my mind, I’d wake up at the crack of dawn to feed my husband and children and then tend to the wash and water.  Watch my children play in the fields and with ropes and dirt rather than playstations and DVDs.  Sinful temptations aren’t haunting my home in the fashion of prime time TV.  I’m such a simple minded person, that simple living is so attractive to me.  Anyway, back to the motorcycle ride, I started thanking Him… for the simple things… ‘thank You, for the trees…for the dirt… for the stars… for the fields… for the mountains… for the waters… the things that when I stare at them are so overwhelming to me.  Even the creation of man overwhelms me.  Sometimes I think just how cool it is that there are SO FREAKIN MANY of us in this world and not a one of us the same.  Even identical twins have different personalities and such.  I think how amazing it is that it starts with one little cell that multiplies and those cells know to create an ear or a kidney and what goes on the inside or outside.  I think how incredible it is that our body can heal itself.  Why do our nails and hair continue to grow but our lips don’t… or how do our bodies know not to form knee caps until age 2 or 3?  It’s not magic… it’s God’s design.  Louie Giglio brought truth and light to this fact by introducing to most people the substance Laminin. (here’s a snipit on Youtube)  Now there are some of you that will call what I’m about to show you coincidence or wave it off like everything else in life but the rest of you will delight in it, just as I did.  Let me first tell you the simple definition of Laminin is a protein found in the human body. It has 3 short arms and 1 long one.  Laminin is vital to making sure overall body structures hold together, according to Wikipedia.  Look it up.  Now take a look at it’s shape. 

“VITAL to making sure we hold together.”  That’s no coincidence… That’s God.

How anyone could deny Christ is beyond me.  My very favorite lyrics to a song are Nichole Nordeman’s “What if”…

What if you’re right?
And he was just another nice guy
What if you’re right?
What if it’s true?
They say the cross will only make a fool of you
And what if it’s true?

What if he takes his place in history
With all the prophets and the kings
Who taught us love and came in peace
But then the story ends
What then?

But what if you’re wrong?

There’s more to the song… but that, in itself, says enough to me.  What if.

“Is Trent leaving the Edmond Campus?” GASP!

Many people have inquired, so let me set this straight to the 3 people that read my blog and you can tell people you heard it straight from his wife’s mouth.  Trent has NO intentions of leaving Lifechurch Edmond Campus.  Yes, they are changing the style of worship to try and engage and lead the church in a more active style of worship.  Bryan Witham is the Youth Worship Leader and Trent believes in him whole heartedly.  Marcy Jackson has stood by Trent’s side for years now and together they all three bring an energy to the room that is impossible to deny.  Trent has never been a man who wanted to be stage center and will testify to this day that he is only there because that’s where God wants him.  He still can’t believe he gets to lead worship for a living… it is his passion. 

 

Now… as his wife, I’ll tell you the reason people are drawn to his worship is because it IS his passion.  He has no other desire when he’s on that stage than to worship his God and lead the people to do the same.  The first thing I remember about Trent when I first saw him was that I truly saw Jesus in his eyes.  He loves his Lord and believes every word he sings with all that he is.  It’s never about how great he sings, or how talented he is… every bit of what he does is all for one purpose… to see God’s smile.  When someone resonates a love for Christ that passionately, you can’t help but want what he has.  THAT is why people drive from all over to be led to a place of worship by him.

I myself did not know what it meant to “worship” when I first became a believer, which is the majority of what Lifechurch.tv is… a church of new believers.  I attended that church for two years before I met Trent.  When I first came to Lifechurch, the music really appealed to me and before that I was never a Christian Music type of girl.  So the combination of Craig Groeshel’s style of applying biblical truths to today’s world mixed with Trent’s worship, I was sold.  There was no turning back.  I WANTED to know the words to these songs so that I could sing them from my heart.  I was blessed enough to meet and become friends with Cindy Beall (who at the time was the campus pastor’s wife – we both had 6-year-old Noah’s) and so sitting with her (who she herself used to lead worship with her husband) I loved her freedom in worshiping her God.  I learned that Worship is not just raising your hands in the air and singing.  It’s coming to a place spiritually that it doesn’t matter if 1500 other people are in the room or 1 other person, because all your aware of is your God’s presence… and you are so overcome by Him, that it may bring you to your knees… peel a huge smile across your face… draw both hands in the air… spin you around in circles or whatever you feel at that time.  It’s a form of self expression to your God.  I’ve danced with him… I’ve raised my hands to him… I’ve dropped to my knees for him and it’s all done without thought, without hesitation.  It’s the passion stirring inside that you just can’t deny.  It brings you to a place of such joy, such freedom.  I look forward to getting to worship every weekend and yes, I am very blessed that it is my husband that leads me there. 

It’s not about the lights, it’s not about the music, it’s not about the smoke… it’s about the voices.  I’ve always said, I LOVE LOVE LOVE and LOVE it when the music stops or drops so low and all I hear are the people singing.  It’s elating.  Gives me goosebumps everytime… and I know with all that I am, God is smiling.

So rest assured Trent’s not going anywhere.  This weekend, realign, and worship like a child…dance… laugh… love… as though He’s standing right beside you… because He is.  J

 

lead me

as believers, why are we so hesitant to step outside of our box, our comfort zone, what we feel is acceptable, what we think is ‘normal’? 

 I was at church tonight because I can’t be away from Trent for too long or I feel I might burst!  Seriously… spontaneous human combustion.  It would be messy.  Well, he wasn’t leading tonight, he was there as support for a up and coming leader for Lifechurch.tv’s new Tulsa2 campus.  Right now, Ronnie fills in at Tulsa and when not filling in, is a guitar player for Derrik in Tulsa.  Well…. Ronnie brought it tonight.  And when I say ‘it’… I mean IT!  But here’s what really ate away at me… the fact that the church just stood and watched, for the most part, instead of letting Ronnie lead them.  Part of it could have been that Ronnie brought 3 new songs to the Edmond Campus… but they were great songs.  I think it’s just the fact that we get in this feel good cozy home, and when a visitor rings that door bell, instead of inviting them in and offering them a warm beverage, we all sit uptight and just watch the clock to see when this will be over with.  Now I DO appreciate that this campus loves my husband, as do I… hello!!! biggest fan here!!! but that doesn’t mean that he’s the only worship leader in this world.  There are a lot of greats… Jami Smith… The Nockels… Matt Redmond…. Charlie Hall… Do you think that back in the day, when Matt Redmond visited Charlie Hall’s church, they just stood and stared at him?

So I really feel like the message to Zechariah would not be any different to any of us.  And in my opinion, God even kind of said, Zech (cuz that’s what I think God would call him) what makes you think you’re any different?  If He’s saying that to Zech (cuz that’s what I would call him) then I totally hear him say, ‘Keri, what makes you any different? The message hasn’t changed.’   

Zechariah 7:7 (The Message)

7-10“There’s nothing new to say on the subject. Don’t you still have the message of the earlier prophets from the time when Jerusalem was still a thriving, bustling city and the outlying countryside, the Negev and Shephelah, was populated? [This is the message that God gave Zechariah.] Well, the message hasn’t changed. God-of-the-Angel-Armies said then and says now:

   ”‘Treat one another justly.
   Love your neighbors.
   Be compassionate with each other.
   Don’t take advantage of widows, orphans, visitors, and the poor.
   Don’t plot and scheme against one another—that’s evil.’

“…said then and says now”  See I know the phrase has become kind of cliche but I still look at a situation and say to myself, what would Jesus do?… or… is my heart in line with Gods?  Would Jesus just stand there and watch Ronnie and think to Himself, ‘Well Trent does this, and Trent does that…’  No.  Jesus would smile ear to ear and let Ronnie lead him in song and he’d do it with joy in his heart.  New song, old song, rock song, lullaby.  It’s not about the song itself, it’s about us worshiping our God.  Coming together and standing humbly in His presence with our hands in the air and believing in what we are singing to Him… no different than if we were in the middle of a field somewhere, all alone, singing with all our might, (in my case waaaaaaaay out of tune) pouring our heart to Him.  That’s what I want to do.  And that’s what I did.  The T2 (Tulsa 2) campus is going to be a blessed campus to have this man leading him in song.  You go, Ronnie!