I guess I’m pretty passionate about marriage because I know first hand what broken homes and blended families are about.
If you think marriage is hard… try adding in ex’s, visitation, support, new wives, step mom for your children… the list goes on and on.
I’ve been the daughter of a step mom and stepdad… I’ve been the mother of a son who had a stepmother… and I’m now a stepmother myself.
I was talking to a friend of mine the other day asking her if she ever thought about how lucky she is that her parents are still married. Not only are her parents still married but her husbands parents are still married and she’s working on her 8th year of marriage herself… happy and healthy. It’s just so rare these days. Yet it’s the way God designed it to be.
There was talk of a couple of coworkers up here at my work having an affair. Which was shocking to me simply because I thought so much of this guy (who was married with child and one on the way). Now note, that I still don’t know if it was/is true… but it disturbed me to no end none the less. So much so that I wanted to leave him a note simply stating…
I know it’s none of my business… but I really feel led to tell you that right now, in this small moment of time, you are ONLY thinking of yourself. You are thinking of how good this woman makes you feel superficially. You are thinking of shallow happiness and self gratification. What you are not thinking of is losing your wife. Losing your children. Being alone. Not waking up with your kids, not tucking them into bed at night. Your kids now being in public schools and daycare because their single mom is now forced to work. You living in a crappy apartment or duplex. You’re not thinking about what it’s going to feel like when she remarries and the first time your kids call someone else dad. The thought of that man tucking your kids into bed and being there to play catch with your son and sit your daughter on his lap when she skins her knee. And that’s if you’re lucky enough that she remarries well. You’re not thinking about the possibility of a man that doesn’t have your morals and/or values or is a closet alcoholic or abusive being your children’s new father. You’re not thinking of the mental damage you’re doing to the mother of your children and the effects that will have on them. You’re not thinking of only the 4 days a month you’ll be allowed visitation. Or the amount of Child Support, Medical Bills and Daycare you’ll be paying a month. You’re not thinking of the damage you’re doing to your children… all for a simple pleasure from, ultimately, a strange woman.
It’s the same for us. Think about sending your kid off to spend the night with your ex in some dumpy apartment or duplex… think about struggling to make it paycheck to paycheck… think about what floozy your husband thinks would be a great mom for your kids… think about what movies they’ll be allowed to watch or what they’ll be allowed to eat.. or 26 days a month doing it on your own. Think about 6 weeks out of the summer not seeing your kids at all. Think about the lack of attention to what tree they may be climbing or chasing a ball in the street when dad is on the phone. Think about your ex not paying support on time or at all. The court costs the on going arguments about the way two different homes have two different sets of rules.
I just think if people had a chance to prematurely feel those feelings listed above, the thought of ever remotely doing anything to split your family would never even enter their mind.
Broken homes are horrible and damaging to everyone involved. Blended families are hard work.
That’s all I have to say.
