I tell everyone all the time how different I feel… since I became a believer.  I feel like the person I was before, died.  In fact, it’s strange to think that I used to be THAT person…to be the way I was and do the things I did.  In my memory, it feels like that was someone else.  And in a way, it was.  God’s grace IS amazing and until you’ve experienced it, you can never understand what I’m saying or when anyone else tries to explain it.  ’I don’t have time to maintain these regrets… when I think about… the way… He loves me’ – Jesus Culture.

So I was on my hands and knees cleaning my kitchen floor and my Addi says ‘oooh what happened to your arm?’  I had given blood a week prior at work and they blew up my vein.   It was a nasty bruise and for the most part I ignored it, but when I was explaining to Addi the whole story, she pointed out something that made me smile ear to ear…. take a look…

there is no editing in these photo’s folks.  The first is without flash the second with flash.  Again, this was a week after the needle lost it’s way in my arm… and I looked at that bruise on a daily basis to monitor it.  It didn’t look like that even that morning.  Talk about showing our children Jesus through us!  I always knew I had Jesus in my blood, now I have proof!  

Maybe I should list the photo on ebay and see how much it goes for!!!!  :)

If you’re returning, which I doubt anyone is… I found that part of my dry season is due to the lack of my writing.  My writing held me accountable to my reading.  And this entire blog came off of the first page, one paragraph.  Going forward, I’m treating this as more of a journal than an actual blog.  If your reading and enjoying, great… otherwise, it’s a great tool to pull out what’s in my head and communicate with my husband.  I communicate much better though my fingertips and most of the time when you ask me how I feel about something, I won’t be able to tell you, but if I sit down and start writing, it seems as though my feelings seem to pour.  So… on with my thoughts…

It’s been a VERY dry season for me.  I struggle with sustaining in most things.  Ie. Diets, blogging, creating worship videos, making memory albums.  I’m great out of the gate but lose the fire somewhere along the way.  I really kept feeling this happen in my walk with Christ in the last 6 months.  Although I still talked to Him, still worshiped Him, still felt His presence I felt the fire fading and I didn’t fan it.  I take complete responsibility.  And I know He wants me.  I know he hasn’t forgotten about me or left my side… in my minds eye, He’s just standing there waiting for me to ask.  Ask to know Him better.  So I opened our closet door yesterday and this book screamed at me.  When I Don’t Desire GOD How to Fight for Joy. Yeah, I grabbed it immediately.  I’ve had a hunger lately but I didn’t know how to feed it, until now.   

Here’s a true statement that hit me in the Foreword and prayer… “To be satisfied by the beauty of God does not come naturally to sinful people.  By nature we get more pleasure from God’s gifts than from himself.”  Sit in that for a minute.  I read that to say… to be fulfilled by the beauty of God does not come naturally to me… because by definition, we’re all sinful people.  It’s more natural for me to be happy from what he’s given me that just to be happy to know Him.  My One Prayer is to know Him better.

As my husband and I were riding his motorcycle down the long country road staring at the beautiful moonlit trees and night sky… I just started thanking God for the simple things I take for granted… the cottonwood trees, the smell of the night air, the stars, the long never-ending fields…and then it took my A.D.D. mind to what the world looked like before we poured these asphalt roads and strung these electric cables across His land.  I was sitting behind the love of my life taking the biggest deepest breaths I could to take in all that God-made air that was fresher than anything they can put in a fabreeze or tide bottle.  I’d give my amazing partner a squeeze when I got overwhelmed with emotion in thinking about how sweet God was to give him to me.  And I just started imagining with my eyes wide open that we were riding through these moonlit fields in the days of Christ.  Stop and think about that feeling.  It feels like my heart doubles in size when I do.  Like it’s going to pop out of my chest.   No alarm clock to wake up to. No bumper to bumper traffic to sit in.  No cubicle to drag into.  In my mind, I’d wake up at the crack of dawn to feed my husband and children and then tend to the wash and water.  Watch my children play in the fields and with ropes and dirt rather than playstations and DVDs.  Sinful temptations aren’t haunting my home in the fashion of prime time TV.  I’m such a simple minded person, that simple living is so attractive to me.  Anyway, back to the motorcycle ride, I started thanking Him… for the simple things… ‘thank You, for the trees…for the dirt… for the stars… for the fields… for the mountains… for the waters… the things that when I stare at them are so overwhelming to me.  Even the creation of man overwhelms me.  Sometimes I think just how cool it is that there are SO FREAKIN MANY of us in this world and not a one of us the same.  Even identical twins have different personalities and such.  I think how amazing it is that it starts with one little cell that multiplies and those cells know to create an ear or a kidney and what goes on the inside or outside.  I think how incredible it is that our body can heal itself.  Why do our nails and hair continue to grow but our lips don’t… or how do our bodies know not to form knee caps until age 2 or 3?  It’s not magic… it’s God’s design.  Louie Giglio brought truth and light to this fact by introducing to most people the substance Laminin. (here’s a snipit on Youtube)  Now there are some of you that will call what I’m about to show you coincidence or wave it off like everything else in life but the rest of you will delight in it, just as I did.  Let me first tell you the simple definition of Laminin is a protein found in the human body. It has 3 short arms and 1 long one.  Laminin is vital to making sure overall body structures hold together, according to Wikipedia.  Look it up.  Now take a look at it’s shape. 

“VITAL to making sure we hold together.”  That’s no coincidence… That’s God.

How anyone could deny Christ is beyond me.  My very favorite lyrics to a song are Nichole Nordeman’s “What if”…

What if you’re right?
And he was just another nice guy
What if you’re right?
What if it’s true?
They say the cross will only make a fool of you
And what if it’s true?

What if he takes his place in history
With all the prophets and the kings
Who taught us love and came in peace
But then the story ends
What then?

But what if you’re wrong?

There’s more to the song… but that, in itself, says enough to me.  What if.

This is my side of the family.

This is my older brother Matt and his wife Jen

These are Matty and Jen’s kids… Jackson Eli and Megan Elizabeth

This is my younger brother Ben and his wife Teresa

this is Benny and Teresa’s son… Zachary (he wanted his picture taken on this big rock… it’s a boy thing)

and this is my daddy…

and finally here’s the handsome heart throbs….

like I said.  I’m proud. 

that’s it.

Ok, this is the last post on Part 1 of this book (The Help Meet).  I realize most of you don’t like to read the long posts… So I’ll try to throw in some shorter ones.. but not today.  Ha!

The very heart of reverence is extreme appreciation and profound thankfulness that this man, just as he is, has chosen to love me, just as I am.

I sat in that for a few minutes.  She used the word ‘extreme’ (intense… excessive… severe) appreciation.  Not minor… trivial… or inconsequential.  Are you TRULY thankful that you’re husband chose to love you?  That he picked you out of aaaaaaaalllllllll the other women in this world to stand beside for the rest of his life?  I am.  I don’t deserve my husband and I say that with complete confidence and no reservations. I simply don’t deserve him.  But God has blessed me with him.  And it is no exaggeration that I thank God on a daily basis for him.  When is the last time you audibly said, ‘God… thank you for my husband’?  Honestly.  I know I never did with my first husband.  Now, I did not have a personal relationship with Christ then, and maturity and wisdom has changed my mindset 100 fold. 

I believe that Trent and I truly are thankful for each other.  Not the ‘oh yeah, he’s great’ or ‘yeah I could’ve done worse’ but truly thankful.  I’ll be the first to tell you I’m no prize, I’m overweight, moody and have my own quirks… but Trent was in shock that I would be interested in ‘a guy like him.’  I know a lot of you giggled just now but it’s true, he really said that.  And he thinks I’m a catch (still not exactly sure why)… therefore he’s thankful for me.  And I KNOW there were women everywhere that would have loved to been Mrs Trent Austin… and he chose me.  I’m still in shock and we’ve been married over 2 years now.  We are giddy in love because neither one of us have the mindset that ‘he/she is lucky to have me.’  We both feel very undeserving of the other but yet receive God’s gift and appreciate it every day. 

When you stop appreciating what God has given you, you lose the joy. 

I know a lot of you are thinking, yeah keri, that’s great, if my husband was like Trent our marriage would be great too.  I am here to tell you that Trent has flaws.  He’s human.  You all see Trent on stage every weekend… and at home, he IS the same man you see on stage… I am a very blessed woman.  He has a passion for Christ like no other I’ve seen… and it is inspiring.  But don’t think our marriage is all butterflies and rainbows.  The only thing I can tell you is that I enable him to lead our home, I don’t emasculate him, I don’t speak negatively of him to anyone or even myself… he tells me everyday how beautiful I am, weather I’m straight out of bed with crazy hair and cat litter breath or I’ve spent the last hour getting ready.  He encourages me and lifts me up.  He asks my opinion and seeks my advice.  We guard each other.  If our priorities are straight (#1 God, #2 Spouse) everything else just falls into place naturally.  We tell each other all the time, you’re my #2 and that’s where we want each other to be, because that means we are putting God first. 

The thing you have to get past is to not accentuate his flaws.  I have flaws.  You have flaws.  We all do.  If I spent my days telling my husband the things I didn’t like about him, he wouldn’t want to come home.  When you first meet someone and you’re sitting across the table from them you don’t say ‘your nose is big’ or ‘your teeth are crooked’  because you are so overwhelmed with this person and have so much innocent love and attraction for them that those slight flaws don’t matter.  In the beginning you spend all the time in the world making that person feel special and lifting them up and letting them know you think about them non stop.  Is there any better feeling in the world than falling in love?  Yes.  Having that same feeling 2 years down the road.  10 years down the road.  We were so willing to put all this effort into our relationship in the beginning… find that passion.  Don’t just assume that ‘we’ve been married 10 years, he knows I love him.’  Remind him.  You did then.  He knew you liked him a week into the relationship, but you still drove by and left a note on his car with his favorite candy bar while he was at work.    

Marriage is work.  Team work.  You both have to work… daily.  It’s the smallest things that make the biggest difference.  A man simply wants to know he’s respected and a woman simply wants to know she’s loved.  You show your man respect and he will show you love.  It’s truly that simple.

Ok… so this picture is posted for two reasons… 1. because it is my all time favorite movie and should be yours too and 2. because he portrayed an amazing leader…

William Wallace, Maximus… there’s a reason why your men love these movies ladies… ponder on that a bit.

Becoming less independent was somewhat of a struggle for me… at first. 

Growing up my mother was very strong and independent, but I still knew my father had the last say so.  In other words, I knew my father was the leader of our home.  So letting the husband lead, by nature, is instinctive for me.  However, I was not fortunate enough to have married well the first time, so I was left to raise a 1-year-old boy on my own for seven years making me the mother and father of the home.  Seven years.  That’s a long time.  A long time for me to make the final decisions… me to call the shots… me to rule our home.  So when I married Trent, my instincts battled my habitual behavior.  I was always quick to answer to make a decision and had to condition myself to defer to my husband.  It was a awkward at first, almost feeling as though I was being stripped of something, but it wasn’t that I was being stripped of anything at all… it was that I was being relieved of something that was never meant to be my role in the first place.  It is my first reaction when being asked if we can have dinner, or make plans, to say, that sounds great, let me see what Trent has planned.  Even with Noah, my response is always, ‘I think that’s ok, let’s ask your dad, or I don’t care, go ask your dad.’  It lets him know that we do EVERYTHING together.  We are truly one, in every sense of the word.

Debi Pearl writes…

God created Adam and commissioned him to take the position of leadership.  Since then, every son of Adam has received the same mandate. Man was created to rule.  It is his nature.  But the only place most men will ever rule is their own little kingdom called home.  At least, every man’s destiny is to be the leader of his household.  To deny him this birthright is contrary to his nature and God’s will.  

She goes on to say…

It is NOT God’s will for your husband to reverence you.  It is not God’s plan for you to remain seated at the dinner table or in your lounge chair and expect him to serve himself.  Our modern society has conditioned us to expect him to serve us.  It hurts our feelings if he doesn’t do things that we feel he owes us, but that is not the plan God set into place.  Our failure to know and believe the written words of God has caused us to accept a cultural lie.

This one’s powerful…

Reverence is not just how you act; it is how you feel and how you respond with words and with your body language.  It’s like I said before, you have to believe it before he’ll believe you.  If that’s a struggle for you, just ask God to help you… ask him remind you of the good, of why you married him, and to allow you to focus on those attributes.

To lead his home was a bit of an adjustment for Trent as well… although it was natural for him to want to… for 19 years he wasn’t allowed to.  So having a wife that defers to him and reverences him has made him a whole new person.  He’s more confident, he stands taller, and he’s an amazing leader.  Leading our home doesn’t mean he just goes out and makes decisions without my input.. it does mean that what he decides is the way it’s going to be and I’m ok with that.  I love it… I love it when he takes charge.  I’m telling you, get off your self-righteous, feministic, high horse just for short time and serve and lift up your husband and allow him to lead and you will see a man who stands with his chest out.  You’re whole house will realign the way it should be. God’s design.   

Don’t fear my lost, misguided friends… she’s soon to return. 

She’s working franticly to remove that blue bow from her husbands head.

No, not really… I’d love to tell you she’s off speaking at a large women’s conference with Beth Moore but yet… I cannot lie to you.  My faithful 3 readers.  Yes, she screwed up her account and is working dilligently around the clock to fix it.  She has not bathed, not cooked, and couldn’t even tell you the names of her boys because she knows… you are lost without her.  I did speak with her… and the only thing she could murmer (in her best daniel day lewis voice)… was ’stay alive… no matter what… I will find you!’

Whuuuuuuuuuuuhhh?  I know, I did the same thing… or maybe you’re a bit smarter than I and already knew what that meant. 

Reverence is the act of showing respect…a mingling of fear with a high degree of respect and esteem.

So back in my helpmeet book… she talks about a woman who was in a horrible situation with an abusive, unfaithful, alcoholic husband.  When he would always come home in his drunken rages, she would leave and run to her mothers and threaten to leave and call all her friends and tell them what a loser he was.   But she’d never leave.  Finally one day, Mrs Pearl ran into her at church in a tearful mess and she told her of her plot to murder her husband.  Long story short, Debi told her once and for all she needed to make a decision, either to leave her husband and put the pieces of her life back together or stay with him and begin a campaign of winning his heart and saving their life together.  Debi TOTALLY thought she would leave that night.  But she didn’t.  She did just the opposite.  Debbie counseled her to only speak to her husband in an encouraging uplifting manner and to only speak OF him with her friends in the same manner.  This woman had a learners heart and had ‘grasped an eternal vision about life and believed God could save her marriage.’  The change in her husband was almost immediate.  Within a week she saw change.  He stopped going off with his drunken friends and got a job to help support the family.  Today they are growing their relationship with Christ together. 

Yes our husbands lead our home. It’s natural. It’s the way God designed it.  But we, as helpmeets, play THE biggest role in our husbands being enabled to be that amazing leader.  They will be what we think of them and tell them.  Put it to the test.  If you’ve been a bit nagging and negative lately, flip it.  Last time I checked, nagging and negative got me nowhere.  Try praising the things he has accomplished…. The smallest things… make a big deal about them.  Then… tell him what a great father and leader of the home he is… but you first need to pray and believe it in your heart.  If you don’t believe it first, he won’t.  You’ll see a change in him.  I promise. 

Trent and I learned this with Noah as well… instead of only speaking when he’s done wrong, we make it a point to tell him when he’s done well.  Even if it’s just ‘Noah, you did so well tonight, you were polite, and quiet’  and we love on him and encourage him.  He likes the attention so he’ll want to do that again. 

And ladies… for the love of all that is good and holy… stop going to work and having the huddles where everyone is talking negatively about their men.  What good is it doing?  None.  You will subconsciously carry that home and have that same negative attitude at home and make it a place where he doesn’t’ want to be.  Start a revolution.  Go to work and brag about what your husband does, yes at first, shock will overcome them all… but I promise, it will catch on.  And if you find yourself in a husband bashing conversation, turn it around.  Be like, ‘oh really?  I’m sorry, but listen to what my man did… and lift him up.’   One of two things will happen.  You’ll either become an encouragement to those women to do the same, or they’ll stop having the man bashing conversations around you.  Either way… You win!  I promise your marriage will thank you.

Stop and think… make a list of the negative things you’ve said to your husband today… now next to it make a list of the negative things you’ve said to others about your husband today… NOW…. Make a list of nice things about your husband and go home and tell him.  Then tell others... create an email to all your friends bragging about your husband.  We CAN make a difference in our husbands… God will smile on you.  “…and the wife see that she reverence her husband” Eph 5:33

Many people have inquired, so let me set this straight to the 3 people that read my blog and you can tell people you heard it straight from his wife’s mouth.  Trent has NO intentions of leaving Lifechurch Edmond Campus.  Yes, they are changing the style of worship to try and engage and lead the church in a more active style of worship.  Bryan Witham is the Youth Worship Leader and Trent believes in him whole heartedly.  Marcy Jackson has stood by Trent’s side for years now and together they all three bring an energy to the room that is impossible to deny.  Trent has never been a man who wanted to be stage center and will testify to this day that he is only there because that’s where God wants him.  He still can’t believe he gets to lead worship for a living… it is his passion. 

Now… as his wife, I’ll tell you the reason people are drawn to his worship is because it IS his passion.  He has no other desire when he’s on that stage than to worship his God and lead the people to do the same.  The first thing I remember about Trent when I first saw him was that I truly saw Jesus in his eyes.  He loves his Lord and believes every word he sings with all that he is.  It’s never about how great he sings, or how talented he is… every bit of what he does is all for one purpose… to see God’s smile.  When someone resonates a love for Christ that passionately, you can’t help but want what he has.  THAT is why people drive from all over to be led to a place of worship by him.

I myself did not know what it meant to “worship” when I first became a believer, which is the majority of what Lifechurch.tv is… a church of new believers.  I attended that church for two years before I met Trent.  When I first came to Lifechurch, the music really appealed to me and before that I was never a Christian Music type of girl.  So the combination of Craig Groeshel’s style of applying biblical truths to today’s world mixed with Trent’s worship, I was sold.  There was no turning back.  I WANTED to know the words to these songs so that I could sing them from my heart.  I was blessed enough to meet and become friends with Cindy Beall (who at the time was the campus pastor’s wife – we both had 6-year-old Noah’s) and so sitting with her (who she herself used to lead worship with her husband) I loved her freedom in worshiping her God.  I learned that Worship is not just raising your hands in the air and singing.  It’s coming to a place spiritually that it doesn’t matter if 1500 other people are in the room or 1 other person, because all your aware of is your God’s presence… and you are so overcome by Him, that it may bring you to your knees… peel a huge smile across your face… draw both hands in the air… spin you around in circles or whatever you feel at that time.  It’s a form of self expression to your God.  I’ve danced with him… I’ve raised my hands to him… I’ve dropped to my knees for him and it’s all done without thought, without hesitation.  It’s the passion stirring inside that you just can’t deny.  It brings you to a place of such joy, such freedom.  I look forward to getting to worship every weekend and yes, I am very blessed that it is my husband that leads me there. 

It’s not about the lights, it’s not about the music, it’s not about the smoke… it’s about the voices.  I’ve always said, I LOVE LOVE LOVE and LOVE it when the music stops or drops so low and all I hear are the people singing.  It’s elating.  Gives me goosebumps everytime… and I know with all that I am, God is smiling.

So rest assured Trent’s not going anywhere.  This weekend, realign, and worship like a child…dance… laugh… love… as though He’s standing right beside you… because He is.  J

First and foremost, everyone immediately stop reading…now wait, if that truly happened you wouldn’t know what I was saying right now… so odd’s are you’re still reading… what I was trying to get at, is immediately go to Marcy Priest and check out her new album.  

Yes I love my husband and Yes he produced it, but that is NOT why I’m sending you there… this girl is AMAZING!  Seriously.  Now.  Go.  Then come back and read.  You’re still reading aren’t you.  You don’t listen well.  NOW.  Go.  I’ll still be here when you get back. 

Craig Groeschel (my senior pastor) spoke a couple of weeks ago about winning today’s battle in his Warrior Series  It REALLY hit home with me.  I haven’t been able to get it out of my head.  For those of you who don’t know me, I’m fat.  Not a big girl… not chubby… not big boned… I’m a tub o’ lard! 

Trent laughs every time I say that...  which here lately is quite often. 

I haven’t been this big since high school and NO, it’s not because I’m unhappy.  It’s quite the opposite, I’d say.  I’m fat and happy.  That’s what I always tell my husband.  He loves me regardless and I did marry him because he’s a fat squisher (he loves to hold my fat rolls).  Seriously… I know a few of you just threw up a little in your mouths, but it’s true.  I love him.

So, my biggest battle in life has always been my weight.  It fluctuates.  Mostly up.  But there have been years when I had a six pack and wore little shirts that showed off my navel ring.  These day’s I can’t even find my belly button.  I’ve just gotten lazy and found happiness in my husband and my life.  I quit focusing on myself.  Good?  Yes.  Good?  No.  Good in the fact that it’s not about me, bad in the fact that it needs to be a little about me. 

There are two main reasons why I want to lose weight. 

One:  I have a history of hormonal cancer in my family and I know illness thrives on unhealthy. 

Two:  I want to be as attractive to my husband as I possibly can be.  I want him to always look at me and be thankful he married me.  Now, Trent is not vain at all… but men enjoy their wives to look nice.  I understand that. 

Today’s battle… so Craig was talking about instead of fighting the big battle that seems overwhelming… fight today’s battle.  That made so much sense for me because I’d set these 3 month goals or even a month goal of eating well and exercising blah blah blah and a week would come and go and I’d cheat and be right back where I was… on the ground, staring up at the wagon driving away.   So when I pray now, I pray for God to give me strength for today’s battle.  Just today’s battle.  When I’m hungry and I’m thinking about a taco or burger, I say to myself, fight this little battle… meaning (go back to work and pop open a can of soup).  And when I do, I’m victorious.  I just won that battle.  And then when I want a coke… I say to myself, fight this little battle… and I get water.  Again.  Winner!  We own a treadmill… I want to get up in the morning and walk, but for the love of all that is good and holy I just can’t…and there is NO time in the evenings between, dinner, laundry, kids, lifegroup, plans, etc… so today, I strapped on my tennis shoes and a friend and I went walking at lunch around the parking lot for 45 minutes.  Again, we had plans tonight (for a dinner date, none the less) at 6:30 so I won’t have time to walk when I get home… so I thought to myself, how do I fight this battle…and now I’m sitting her typing to you, a successful warrior princess for the day!  It’s so elating to me to win these little battles.  

Are you seeing the big picture yet?  I’m not taking on the whole battle.  I can’t win that one.  I’m taking on the small battles day by day and ONLY with God’s help.  And by winning those small battles day by day, the big one will be victorious. 

Thanks Craig. 

My friend commented me today to say thank you.  I don’t know why I find that funny, it is me that should be thanking her… her email caused me to crack the bindings on The Good Book for the first time in over a month and I spent all morning in it.  Felt good.  Thank you, Jen. 

 What’s the longest time you’ve gone that you can remember without being in The Word?