If you’re returning, which I doubt anyone is… I found that part of my dry season is due to the lack of my writing. My writing held me accountable to my reading. And this entire blog came off of the first page, one paragraph. Going forward, I’m treating this as more of a journal than an actual blog. If your reading and enjoying, great… otherwise, it’s a great tool to pull out what’s in my head and communicate with my husband. I communicate much better though my fingertips and most of the time when you ask me how I feel about something, I won’t be able to tell you, but if I sit down and start writing, it seems as though my feelings seem to pour. So… on with my thoughts…
It’s been a VERY dry season for me. I struggle with sustaining in most things. Ie. Diets, blogging, creating worship videos, making memory albums. I’m great out of the gate but lose the fire somewhere along the way. I really kept feeling this happen in my walk with Christ in the last 6 months. Although I still talked to Him, still worshiped Him, still felt His presence I felt the fire fading and I didn’t fan it. I take complete responsibility. And I know He wants me. I know he hasn’t forgotten about me or left my side… in my minds eye, He’s just standing there waiting for me to ask. Ask to know Him better. So I opened our closet door yesterday and this book screamed at me. When I Don’t Desire GOD How to Fight for Joy. Yeah, I grabbed it immediately. I’ve had a hunger lately but I didn’t know how to feed it, until now.
Here’s a true statement that hit me in the Foreword and prayer… “To be satisfied by the beauty of God does not come naturally to sinful people. By nature we get more pleasure from God’s gifts than from himself.” Sit in that for a minute. I read that to say… to be fulfilled by the beauty of God does not come naturally to me… because by definition, we’re all sinful people. It’s more natural for me to be happy from what he’s given me that just to be happy to know Him. My One Prayer is to know Him better.
As my husband and I were riding his motorcycle down the long country road staring at the beautiful moonlit trees and night sky… I just started thanking God for the simple things I take for granted… the cottonwood trees, the smell of the night air, the stars, the long never-ending fields…and then it took my A.D.D. mind to what the world looked like before we poured these asphalt roads and strung these electric cables across His land. I was sitting behind the love of my life taking the biggest deepest breaths I could to take in all that God-made air that was fresher than anything they can put in a fabreeze or tide bottle. I’d give my amazing partner a squeeze when I got overwhelmed with emotion in thinking about how sweet God was to give him to me. And I just started imagining with my eyes wide open that we were riding through these moonlit fields in the days of Christ. Stop and think about that feeling. It feels like my heart doubles in size when I do. Like it’s going to pop out of my chest. No alarm clock to wake up to. No bumper to bumper traffic to sit in. No cubicle to drag into. In my mind, I’d wake up at the crack of dawn to feed my husband and children and then tend to the wash and water. Watch my children play in the fields and with ropes and dirt rather than playstations and DVDs. Sinful temptations aren’t haunting my home in the fashion of prime time TV. I’m such a simple minded person, that simple living is so attractive to me. Anyway, back to the motorcycle ride, I started thanking Him… for the simple things… ‘thank You, for the trees…for the dirt… for the stars… for the fields… for the mountains… for the waters… the things that when I stare at them are so overwhelming to me. Even the creation of man overwhelms me. Sometimes I think just how cool it is that there are SO FREAKIN MANY of us in this world and not a one of us the same. Even identical twins have different personalities and such. I think how amazing it is that it starts with one little cell that multiplies and those cells know to create an ear or a kidney and what goes on the inside or outside. I think how incredible it is that our body can heal itself. Why do our nails and hair continue to grow but our lips don’t… or how do our bodies know not to form knee caps until age 2 or 3? It’s not magic… it’s God’s design. Louie Giglio brought truth and light to this fact by introducing to most people the substance Laminin. (here’s a snipit on Youtube) Now there are some of you that will call what I’m about to show you coincidence or wave it off like everything else in life but the rest of you will delight in it, just as I did. Let me first tell you the simple definition of Laminin is a protein found in the human body. It has 3 short arms and 1 long one. Laminin is vital to making sure overall body structures hold together, according to Wikipedia. Look it up. Now take a look at it’s shape.
“VITAL to making sure we hold together.” That’s no coincidence… That’s God.
How anyone could deny Christ is beyond me. My very favorite lyrics to a song are Nichole Nordeman’s “What if”…
What if you’re right?
And he was just another nice guy
What if you’re right?
What if it’s true?
They say the cross will only make a fool of you
And what if it’s true?
What if he takes his place in history
With all the prophets and the kings
Who taught us love and came in peace
But then the story ends
What then?
But what if you’re wrong?
There’s more to the song… but that, in itself, says enough to me. What if.
