Chapter 13 The Great Mystery

Continued from Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl

I know that some of you may be thinking, why would I buy the book, you’re telling me everything out of each chapter… but no.  I’m not.  I’m highlighting a few things from each chapter that stick out to me and giving you my nickel of thought (kelly ogle already coined two cents).

here… this one stuck out at me… you are part of eternity when you submit to your husband.  Submission, reverence and honor are virtues God seeks to establish in his son’s bride.  Your marraige to your husband is preparing you for your marraige to Christ.

I didn’t know what reverence meant, she explains…to revere, to be in awe; fear mingled with respect and esteem.

See… my struggle is not to be submissive to Trent, or to let Trent lead, my struggle is doing so with a joyful heart.  Now that’s obviously never a problem in the happy-everythings great times.  It’s the disagreements where I am submissive but not always with a joyful heart.  It’s hard for me to set my feelings aside.  The action isn’t the hard part, it’s the heart behind it… and Iknow it’s no different to God, me being submissive with an hardened heart and me not being submissive at all.  It’s the same.  I’ve really got to learn how to make this happen.  I want to please God.  I want to please my husband. 

The difference between a good marriage and a lousy one is not found in good husbands and good wives vs bad husbands and bad wives, for all marriages are made up of two sinners with lots of faults.

yeah.

a good marriage is good because one or both of them have learned to overlook the other’s faults, to love the other as he or she is and to not attempt to change the other or bring him or her to repentance.

love. forgiveness.

Her next thought here I’ve witnessed first hand.  She’s talking about a woman who stayed with her husband and lifts him up even when he did not deserve to be.  She had every right to leave.  (you’ll have to read the book to get the full story) but she says Judy got over her “Mad Wife” disease before her son became infected with it.  The little boy honors his dad because his mother honors him.  Someday that little boy will be a man.  As he grows up, he will discover that his dad has faults, and he will forgive them as his mother has done.  When he is grown and can see the whole picture, he will know that his mom is one of the finest ladies on earth.  He will rise up and call her blessed.  Someday her husband may grow out of his foolish, lustful stupidity, and if he does, he too will treasure her.  She will have earned his love and devotion, because she reverenced him when there was little in him to honor.  She loved him because God first loved her. 

I wish with all that I am I could say I’m living this.  Trent’s ex-wife did not afford him the same forgiveness.  Now their sins weren’t of the same nature, Trent was a work-a-holic and had faults, but his ex-wife exposed those faults to the children, rather than guarding them.  I know she thought this made her look better in the childrens eye’s (how good I am vs how bad your dad messed up or I’m here vs he’s not) but the only ones it hurt were the children.  I’m witness to this everyday.  I’m living it.  Trent’s ex-wife does not own her mistakes and feels her wrong choices are at the fault of Trent.  She was a score keeper and the hardest part for me to understand is why the kids were all made aware of his every fault, big or small.  Even at that, Trent still guarded her faults and mistakes.  His relationship with his two oldest daughters suffers a bit from this.

 

And when I read what Debi wrote, I thought to myself… what would Addisun and Kailee be like had they been shielded from their fathers faults.  Instead of thinking their dad sucks, would they see him for who he truly is?  What would they be like if she had lifted him up and shown forgiveness as she was forgiven.  There are a lot of what if’s but this one hit home. 

I have managed to guard Noah from his own dad’s faults.  I never knew it was biblical until I met Trent, I just never could see what good it would do to expose Noah to his own fathers sins.  Trent and I will always guard him and lift him up to his son.  My life was forever changed by my ex-husband but I forgave him long ago (I pray that he has forgiven me for my mistakes) and looking back am thankful for what I did endure; my eyes have been opened. 

Guard your spouse.  Even if they don’t deserve it.  Lift up your spouse.  Even if they don’t deserve it.  Forgive your spouse.  Even if they don’t deserve it.  Love your spouse.  Especially when they don’t deserve it.  None of us deserve it.  None of us.